he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
