But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize