is your mom at the bar?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize