I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
