it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize