We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
