If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
