I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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