it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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