Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
