I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
