Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
