I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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