It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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