Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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