Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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