She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
