I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
