Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
