This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
