She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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