i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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