im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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