haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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