hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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