the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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