I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize