He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
