You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
