On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
