Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
