I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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