I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
