She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
