I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
