Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
