he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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