You really coming over, don't trick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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