I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
