come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
