does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
