once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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