Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
