Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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