Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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