Well douche your snatch and let's go!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
