We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
