mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up under a house in Key West
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
