i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
