My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
