i will never coherently bang her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
