So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
