i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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