Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
