boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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