I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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