you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
