Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
