Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
