If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
