My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
