I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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